His Encouragement #198

Welcome to His Encouragement Thursday! I don’t know about you, but Thursdays are my struggle day of the week. By Thursday, I have already been working hard at school and at home, and I just wish it would hurry up and be Friday already. LOL! I definitely need a little extra Jesus time on Thursdays.

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The Lord knows the days of the blameless, and their heritage will remain forever; they are not put to shame in evil times; in the days of famine they have abundance.

Psalm 37:18-19 (ESV)

To be blameless means to be “innocent of wrongdoing” (Oxford Dictionary). So, the Lord knows the days of the “innocent of wrongdoing,” and their heritage will remain forever. The “innocent of wrongdoing” are not put to shame in evil times; in the days of famine these innocent ones will have plenty. This is simple, right?! Just be an innocent. Do no wrong. Life will be good even during the scary times.

Well, it’s simple I guess if you’re not me.

You see, I was born and raised a Catholic and Catholics are good at many things and exceptional at one…GUILT. Not only was I born and raised a Catholic, but I’m also the firstborn and a massive Type-A personality. Guilt is my bread and butter. So, when I read that the innocent, the blameless, are known by God, and they will not be put to shame, but will be protected through calamities like famines and evil times, I panic. I panic hard.

Why do I panic?

Because I know with great certainty that I am no innocent. I make stupid mistakes and sin all the time. I want nothing more that to be blameless, to get it right, to not miss God’s mark. I try so hard. I pray and beg God to help me get through just ONE day in His right way. My intentions are SO, SO good. I mean well with every fiber of my being. I fully desire and strive to obey God and His commandments every single day. And then someone does something against me and I turn into the Hulk. And it happens in the blink of an eye. I don’t even have time to think, I just move from trying real hard to be the woman God wants me to be into a raging, screaming lunatic. Then guilt and shame flood me. And I have to go back to God and tell Him I failed AGAIN.

Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV) states, “The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” I LOVE these verses. I believe them wholeheartedly. God’s love is steadfast and totally unwavering. Here’s my issue. I don’t know what this means…steadfast love. What is steadfast love?

My foundation in love is faulty, like San Andreas, 8.0-magnitude-earthquake-on-the-Richter scale faulty. My parents did their absolute best to be good parents to me — they provided for my every need and supported me how best they could, but it always felt like their love was conditional. Making mistakes was the end of the world because it always meant punishment. ALWAYS. Because of this, I do not understand what real love actually is or feels like. And this has greatly impacted my relationships with people and with God. I get that my husband loves me — he tells me all the time — but what should I feel when I hear him say that? What actions should I expect when he says that? I get that God’s love is steadfast, but what should I feel? Why do I still feel so guilty and ugly when I make a mistake? Why do I feel like I can’t be forgiven?

All I want is to be the woman God wants me to be. But I need help. I need supernatural help every single day. I think that is the key — KNOWING and ACCEPTING that we all need supernatural help from God. We cannot do this life on our own. None of us can just be blameless. It’s not about how we are raised or the amount of Bible studying we do each day. There is NOTHING we can do. Rather, it’s about choosing to go to God every single day and saying, “I can’t do this day without You. I can’t breathe without You. So, God, I need You to walk beside me. I need You to supernaturally help me. I am weak and Paul says that when I am weak I am stronger cause I cling to You. Lord, I cling to You, so help me” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). Perhaps it’s the admission that I am nothing without God’s help that allows for His steadfast love and peace to pour through. Perhaps when I admit I am nothing without God then He is able to work through me and I can be the woman He wants me to be.

I know this, dear reader, I will keep on keeping on. I will strive every day to be the woman God wants me to be. I will strive every day…but with HIS HELP. Hopefully, one day, I get to be a part of this blameless, innocent group that God speaks of in Psalm 37.

What about you, dear reader? Do you struggle as I do? If not, I am so jealous. LOL! Keep on being amazing. But if you are like me, I hope you can take some comfort from knowing you’re not the only one struggling in this way. Go to God with your heart issues, with your concerns. Tell Him you are struggling with love and mistakes and guilt and wanting to be part of this innocent, blameless group. Tell Him everything. He’s waiting and so desperate to help You through your struggles! Remember, dear reader, God is good all the time.

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NOW, IT’S YOUR TURN!

WHAT BIBLICAL VERSE IS ENCOURAGING YOU TODAY?