Welcome to His Encouragement Thursday! I don’t know about you, but Thursdays are my struggle day of the week. By Thursday, I have already been working hard at school and at home, and I just wish it would hurry up and be Friday already. LOL! I definitely need a little extra Jesus time on Thursdays.
Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day. Surely there is a future and your hope will not be cut off.
Proverbs 23:17-18 ESV
God is AWESOME!
I got sick on April 7. As I type this, I’m still recovering. I got a sinus infection SO bad it pushed into the top of my brain, back through the bottom of my brain stem, and into my right eye. It was literally popping my eye out of my skull! I am on massive amounts of antibiotics for both the initial infection in my head and for the secondary infection in my eye. For nine days straight, I had a headache so bad I could barely move. My face hurt to touch. The pain from the pressure was so bad, my blood pressure became scarily erratic. I thought I was going to burst. Oh, and I hadn’t slept for over a week because I couldn’t lay my head down on a pillow.
I actually have a really high tolerance for pain. But after nine days of no change and seeing an urgent-care doctor twice (and still no change), I lost my cool. I am not proud of it at all, but at 1:00 AM on April 16, while in excruciating pain, I started to HULK out. I let it all out: tears, snot, anger, vitriol, frustration, and fear. I was scared. Why was God not listening to or answering any of my prayers for help? I’ve had sinus infections before, but nothing like this. The more I prayed for the pain to go away, the stronger the pain would get. Was God ignoring me? God is the Healer — why was He not helping me?
In the middle of my HULKING rant, I yelled out to my husband, “Sometimes, I wish I were a bad guy because being good doesn’t pay. Bad guys get whatever they want, whenever they want. They have the money to go to the best doctors, to get the tests they need, and then the medicine they need. All their needs are met. I hate that good people get trashed on while the bad guys win. Where is God in all of this?!” My husband, being the smart man that he is, just stayed silent. And he prayed real prayers that I would get some relief, and that God wouldn’t be offended by my harsh words.
Again, I am not proud of my moment of weakness. But it happened. It happened when I was in excruciating pain and couldn’t get real help. I couldn’t get help from doctors, and it felt like I couldn’t get help from God. I was scared and the fear made me stupid.
In an attempt to find some solace in all this health mess, and to try to make amends to God for my stupid mouth, I turned to my Bible. Hours after screaming out my anger and frustration and pain, God spoke to me because He is, indeed, awesome. Proverbs 23:17-18 was part of my daily study that morning. When I read the words in Proverbs 23, I about fell out of my chair. Literal hours prior to reading these verses, I was envying the bad guys. In that moment, reading those words, it felt like God was talking to me. It felt like He was confirming He heard me loud and clear. And it felt like He was reminding me to stay on the right track. To keep my focus on Him. That He would make things better. I could feel my hope account filling back up. It was amazing!
With my sense of hope back I could think clearly, so I made a plan: go to the ER and get actual tests done, and get help for my blood pressure. The ER docs were great. They did a CATSCAN and gave me a special med for my BP. They confirmed that my sinus infections were super infections. The pressure from the infections was pushing into my brain, my brain stem, and my eyeball. I did not have any tears, bleeds, or masses (thank God!). Once the BP med kicked in, my inflammation went down and the antibiotics began to actually attack the infections. Within hours, the headache I had been experiencing for the past nine days went away. It was bliss!
When you are at your wit’s end, when you are so sure God isn’t listening to you or hearing your prayers, don’t envy the enemy. If I had been thinking clearly and rationally, if I hadn’t been in excruciating pain for nine days, I would never have uttered such foolishness. Regardless of all that pain, I still shouldn’t have uttered that foolishness. Comparing myself and my situation to someone else’s doesn’t make sense, and it doesn’t do any good. We all just have to remember that God DOES hear us. He DOES see us. There is always help coming. It’s just that the help comes in God’s time and in His way. We have to trust that. We have to trust Him.
The Christian Fiction Girl 
I have been frustrated like you at times, too. I am glad that God loves me enough that He listens to my rant and then guides me back into His Word, just as He did for you. I am so sorry that you had to go through that. Our son had a similar infection when he was in high school and was hospitalized for it. The doctors were about to do surgery to relieve the pressure on his brain but were waiting for some more tests to come in. Meanwhile, my husband and I and our church family were all praying. Miraculously, the tests showed that the infection was subsiding with the latest round of antibiotics and the surgery wasn’t needed. Scott’s whole face on one side was so swollen and he was in terrible pain until the meds kicked in and started alleviating it. I’m glad you finally got the help you needed!
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Thank you, Vickie. I’m not gonna lie…I was scared. I had a traumatic brain injury 12 years ago, and it felt a lot like that. I got scared and said some stupid things to God. I’m so grateful He forgives and forgets. God is so good to us! That is scary what happened to your son. I am glad he didn’t need surgery. Sinus infections are crazy!
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You are not alone. Nothing disconnects my brain from common sense quite like increased pain. God’s mercy is such a blessing. Glad you’re doing better. May God bless you with all you need.
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Thank you so much, Judy. God is super good. I am almost totally healed. It’s a blessing to be rid of the headaches. Thank you for reading my post, and God bless you!
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❤
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